oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
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