It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
