Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
