Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
