first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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