so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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