After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
please come you make the beer taste better
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Randomize
