totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
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