saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
