so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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