just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
