Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
