Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
