is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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