I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
