Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
