; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
