Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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