its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
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went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
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