he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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