fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
there was a trapeze. enough said
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
