so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
