This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
