the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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