Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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