I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
