I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
It's not a walk of shame if you run
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
