haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
