In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
