I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
