I heard we made out
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
