Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
