pedialite and red bull = repair kit
high people should be assigned attendants
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
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