Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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