u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
