I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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