you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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