You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
