you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
