I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
zippers are such a cool invention
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
a search helicopter?!
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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