Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I am full of burrito and curiosity
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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