Screwed.edu
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
