Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
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