you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
