its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
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Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
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He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
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