There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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