she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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