I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
