I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
