i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
