My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
