I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
