Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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