Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
