and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
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