While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Randomize
