If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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