tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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