I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
