I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
