Yo dont text me then not text me
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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