Me. At least after what I've been through.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
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Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
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Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
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