So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
