i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
