I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
