Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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