Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Well I just put wine in my tea
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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