He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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