I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
